Better Days

Dear Mr. Him,
I love the way you looked at me from across the room. I loved how you would whisper in your friends ear asking about me. I love how your friend talks to my friend. I love how they put us together like peanut butter and jelly. We met and everything is perfect. You tell me I'm beautiful as I come out in my evening dress. You tell me you have a surprise for me, as your walking me to your car. You open the door for me and I see you bought me roses. You say there is more to come and I can't help but smile. Our first date is going so well.
We pull into an empty lot and you blind fold me. I get a little worried but excited all the same. You start driving again, just around the block. "Where are we going?" I ask. You say, "It's a surprise!" You park and I hear you get out of your car. I am fumbling around trying to find the door handle when the door suddenly opens. I feel you take my hand and kiss me on the cheek. We start going up some stairs and I think that is an elevator. Where are we? I think. He tells me to watch my step just as the tip of my toe hits something hard. He says there is a couple more steps and were nearly there. We go up the stairs and he lets go of my hand. I feel him kiss my neck just as he takes off my blind fold.
I gasp as soon as I see what I'm looking at. Were on a roof of a building with a beautiful view. Lots of sparkling lights with the stars shining above. A table in the middle and a waiter. Yes! An actual waiter. He pulls my chair out and gestures for me to sit. I do and he goes around and sits across from me. The waiter puts a tray down in front of me and lifts the lid and it was pasta! Mmmmmm my favorite! Fettochini Alfredo! We pass through that meal and he asks for me to dance and just as I am about to say "there is no music" beautiful classical music starts playing as a man with a violin comes out to view.
We start dancing as I rest my head on his shoulder. He smells good, John Varvetos maybe? His warmth draws me in and I don't want to let him go and I realize I don't even know who I am dancing with. What does he look like? I never noticed. I pull away to look at his face, into those eyes I'm sure are soft and warm and welcoming. He is gone now and I wake up.
I always wake up. I can never see the man who makes my dreams come true. But at least I have something to look forward to, for this dream shall repeat itself the moment I fall asleep tonight. I will look forward to details, paying attention, and looking for the man in my dreams, for he will be waiting with roses in hand with that smile. That smile that just draws me in. Makes me smile just thinking of him. Whoever HE is. I already know I love him and miss him already for being awake only 2 hours.
Good morning world, for I am in love with the man in my dreams.

Oh Poo

Dear Readers,
Don't trust guys. Most of them will hurt you, lie to you, make you cry even though you feel like you love them. And deep down when you're loving them, your dying inside from all the hate in the room. Hate that you just want to punch something, scream at the top of your lungs, beg God for a better life and to have happiness always. Have a better family and more friends, have a caring boyfriend that will hold you when you're angry or sad or crying. One that will be there no matter how close or how far, how sad or happy, he is. One that you can trust to show up if you end up in the ER because you tried killing yourself and STILL say "I love you".
Dear Readers,
There is no one you can trust, no one you can love, and believe that they will be there for you forever and always.
I can't believe in love, when it does not exhist in my world. I thought I have loved but all I have is lost. So get your butt on that highway and just drive. Drive till your car runs out of gas. Drive until your today turns into tomorrow. Believe that time is not always on your side but it is slow enough to find what you are looking for.
What am I looking for?
I am looking for me. I am looking for the perfect HIM. I am looking for a better tomorrow that will make today seem priceless. I am looking for my knight and shining armor type guy who will sweep me off my feet. I am LOOKING. Looking is the first step of believing. Believing will help you FIND what you were LOOKING for. I am looking for that beautiful sunset, that one where he will find me. That night no one will ever forget. Where my skin will glow with happiness and my smile will be cheerful.
But I forgot.
There is no such thing as love.
That dream will never come.
He will never come.
I am alone.
~Kelly

Dear World

This has probably been the worst week of this month. First someone gets a hold of my debit card information and makes a 139 dollar purchase in Belize City South America. So now I don't have any money in fact I am negative 105 dollars. Then I end up running out of gas to where I had to borrow my mom's car. Then my phone got turned off so I had to borrow money from my dad to get it turned back on. But of course when I picked up my tip share from work my mom made me pay a 107 dollar bill well there goes all my money. So I still don't have money, well I do...but 30 of it went to my gas tank so now i have 20 dollars in my bank account. Well then I find out all my friends are leaving me for when they go back to school. I am covered in bug bites I have a wart on my finger from God knows what and the new hard wood flooring in our house puts little rocks in the heals of my feet. OUCH! Oh and then on top of alllllll of that, John tells me he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me...but he doesn't tell ME this. Oh no he tells my friend and she tells me.
Now time for my positives: I'm going to be picking up enough shifts to almost work 40hours...every 2 weeks. What a life!
Oh! And on top of all that negative stuff...my friend put my car in the ditch which costed me 45 dollars to get it pulled out of the ditch but of course if my mom hadnt have cancelled my AAA card, I would still have that 45 dollars in my pocket.
I'm scared world. I'm scared that I will never get a good career and make good money and find a good husband that isn't an alcoholic or a druggy and we will have a nice beautiful fall wedding where I wear my red wedding gown and have an amazing life together and have a kid or two. Oh wait...that is a fantasy. It will never happen to me. Why do I have to live like this and hope for the best when there are better things out there for me? Oh yeah. Because I don't have the right training or the right education or I have no experience or enough money to work at a place that will support me.
I dream too much. Hopefully someone will come along and sweep me off my feet and probably make things a little easier on me :( good night world

Time Flies

Because I guess that the last time I wrote on this thing was forever ago. Oh well I am writing now. So John was complaining about how i blogged about him and so I figured I wasnt going to talk about him this time...but me saying I'm not going to talk about him is talking to him but what ever I guess we're not dating so what ever.
So I think that I am going to go skinny dipping with Katelyn some time. I don't know. I think I am gonna have the time of my life before it all just ends. Mom and I are talking about Chris Angel possibly being anti christ. It is nearly impossible from what he does I mean really?? I don't know why I am still blogging. Blogging seems pointless no one is there no one reads this it's all just the same. It's the story of my life no one there for me no one listening to me no one hearing me when something started going on and all of a sudden it all just goes down hill. I'm babbling again...
For who ever is out there listening, I thank you. For those who are out there laughing at me, screw you!